Monday, 4 July 2011

Summertime Blues (a brief ramble)

Just so you know, I do not like the summer. As far as I'm concerned, Summer can turn right on its heel and sod off. I don't know what it is about this time of year but it almost never agrees with me. It's not the heat (I love hot sunny weather) and I'm not one of those people who feel a terrible sense of vertigo when they look up at a clear blue sky.  Aside from the various allergies that can wear you down, there's just something about the evenings that is tinged with melancholia. My skin feels itchy with it, my stomach tightens with anxiety and, quite frankly, I yearn for the dark of winter, the inclemency of late autumn, or the showers of spring. Maybe it's the latent memory of happy childhood summers that you always know are going to end too soon and the realisation that before it's barely started you'll be back in the prison of school - except that's nonsense, because I loved school and couldn't wait to get back. Maybe it's simply nostalgia for those days, for the carefree times when anything was possible and everything was still to come. No blind alleys had yet been charged into. I wasn't hampered by anything, including myself.

My first thought was that whatever the cause, with all the changes in weather patterns going on I hope it works out in my favour and summer eventually becomes a thing of the past - but I'm not sure that's true. I'd rather be able to appreciate a fine summer evening without feeling sad or anxious, to look around me and think "this here, right now, is perfect". After all, this moment now is all we really have. The past is gone, the future might not ever be. Now is all there is.

All that said, so far this is probably my best summer, in terms of mood, for a very long time. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it stays that way.

1 comment:

  1. May you summer continue to be good of mood. I love the end of summer, the promise of autumn. Astrocamp time is the time for me. Then halloween, bonfire night and the lead up to Xmas and the new year.