Friday 28 December 2012

2013 is the year I turn 40. FUCK YEAH!

I just read an article with a woman who turned 40 this year and has finally "accepted" that she is no longer young and has had to give up her youthful dreams, like going to acting school or becoming an ├╝ber-tycoon. There are several questions here, not least of which are

1) Why did I waste time I will never get back reading such banality? and

2) WTF? If we all assign ourselves to the scrap heap or give up on dreams because of being a certain age then we are just conforming to the idiot dichotomy of modern life. Youth is the be all and end all and yet we have an increasingly "older" population?

Youth is precious simply because it is fleeting. So while it's nice and we should perhaps try to appreciate our time in the land of tight jeans and wild hair (not so much the tight jeans for me, I weighed about 19 stone for most of my twenties, but I did often have mad hair) shouldn't we bloody well value the fact that our shit gets wiser or, at the very least, we've failed often enough to start working that shizzle into a golem of self-advantage rather than self-sabotage at last?

I intend to be not young for a long fucking time. Maybe I'm lucky - Mr Y calls me the baby-faced assassin - and it's true, I don't particularly have wrinkles and people regularly think I'm about ten years younger than my not-at-fucking-all decrepit 39 years. But face is not fact. I am 39 and I will be 40 in about 9 and a half months. So according to that fool woman, it's time I accepted I'm not young and that I should give up childish dreams. Well, I say, fuck that shit. Fuck it right up the arse and out the ear. Realising that you're not as young as you were is like saying "hey man, this water is like totally wet" REDUNDANT. Age is meaningless. People die all the time at all kinds of ages, many of them far too young (quite a few far older than they deserved, naming no names). Rather than bemoaning our loss of years, we should be shouting "FUCK YEAH! I'm still here and I'm kicking that time shit in the BALLS!". The last things you are going to prise out of my cold dead hands are my dreams, youthful or otherwise. That's right. I'm going to rule the world, I'm going to write a best-selling library of books and  Benedict Cumberbatch is going to rub his balls all over his Oscar for starring in my movies. Or something. I'm going to outdo Bassey, I'm going to win gold medals. I'm going to do it all. Or I won't, whatever. But I'm always going to dream I can.



  1. Word on that, says an even older woman who still pursues her dreams and thinks up new ones all the time. :-)

  2. Bravo, young lady, I like your spirit! What do you think of the cougar phenomenon?

    1. Thank you. To be honest, I like all manner of big cats, but Snow Leopards are my favourite ...

    2. Deftly answered. I believe female snow leopards get incredibly horny when they approach mid-life and start seducing younger males.

    3. And why not? Creaky old lechers have never had any problem stroking a little kitty here and there in their decrepitude, after all. To switch animal imagery, what's good for the gander is good for the goose, or some such.

  3. Fuck yeah! I wouldn't be 20 or 30 again if you paid me with gold bricks. You should pursue your dreams until you have them, then you should pursue more. Keep reaching, keep flying, and keep living. Anything else is a waste.