Thursday 3 May 2012

Relationship advice. Just this once.

Generally, I wouldn't be the go-to girl on relationship advice. I've had one significant relationship in my adult life (Reader, I married him) and a year long relationship when I'd just turned 18. So what do I know? Anyway, during a conversation last night with my friend Fiona, I realised that I do have some insight into what makes a long term relationship work (because, no shit, it's our 17th wedding anniversary on Sunday and this year we've been together for 20 years) Of course, I was pretty drunk and became overly delighted with myself for five minutes before meandering off into a tangental reel of other nonsense. So what is this nugget of advice, you ask? I can hear your bated breath from here.

Well it's this - "compromise" doesn't necessarily mean "sacrifice".

That's it, man. That's what I've learned.

Don't get those two bad boys confused. Too often, I hear people bandy about the term "compromise" as though it's tantamount to being branded on the forehead, i.e. this shit will scar you for life. No, it won't. Compromise is an agreement, on both sides, because you want to be together, you want to make it work. Oftentimes, you don't even know you're doing it. You go with the flow and work that shit out on the hoof. It's not one of you destroying your own life to make the other happy - you simply cannot do any such thing by making yourself unhappy. That's some fucked up thinking because, really, if your partner loves you, thinks you're a bang up fly dawg, or wotnot, why would they want to make you miserable? That, my friends, is A1 Ballbaggery. Capital B.

Of course, compromise isn't always easy, but it is necessary - and it doesn't mean ripping the arse out of things. You'll work it out. Because you want to. Because they want to. You don't have to rip out your heart and serve it up on a plate, but don't expect the other part of the equation to do so either. Roll with the punches and come up swinging, as they say, together. Find a way otherwise it's time for goodbye. Which is probably for the best.


  1. 17th is a hell of a milestone. Me and Mrs Long-suffering are up to 10 years. I'm told we've never been happier.

  2. "You go with the flow and work that shit out on the hoof." Yes, yes -- because when the other person does want to rip the arse out of things, it's time to re-evaluate. I have had perhaps too many relationships, but I have learned from the last few -- learning a lot from the current one, mostly that the things I was afraid would constrict me actually give me more freedom. Huh.